I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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