My room smells like vodka and shame
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
