Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Randomize
