Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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