Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he shaved USA in his pubs
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize