What tipped you off? The sombrero?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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