oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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