you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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