That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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