I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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