I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
