I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
