i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
