she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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