I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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