Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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