Porn is love you can see.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
