I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
