What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
