I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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