It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
