You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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