But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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