FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
