thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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