i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
