Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you will always have a special place in my vag
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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