and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
