Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
