I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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