this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
