i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
