I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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