Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
