That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's no shave November. This is our time.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
