I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
