i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
