a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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