I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
