her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The police scanner is talking about you again....
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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