i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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