Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
