the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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