There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize