remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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