I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
