She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
