get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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