Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
