I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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