doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
