She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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