If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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