return my video game
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
