Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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