I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
