Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my sisters under your porch take her home
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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