you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Success! We fucked roommates!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
