Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
