I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
