I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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