i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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