I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
