my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
