I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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