My girlfriend figured out who you are.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
