ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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