Are we in a gay sports bar?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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