So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
