Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
