im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i was born a porn star she said
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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